Issue 02 // What is success?

For six months, I went from living in a six-bedroom home to living with my parents, from driving a six-figure car to having no car, from flying first class around the world to babysitting my nephew, and from owning seven companies to being unemployed.

And that dark time became one of the happiest seasons of my life, because I actually started living. Simply, albeit, but living.

Every night my family and I drank wine, put together puzzles, and watched Friends. I found joy in that simplicity.

So I have to ask you, after accomplishing so much at a young age, and losing it all — would you still call me successful?

Here's the full picture. I built seven companies in about five years, made the Inc. 5000 three years in a row. I photographed a sitting president. I traveled 265 days a year. I drove the expensive car, wore the Louis Vuitton, lived in the big house. I made the Inc 5000 list of fastest growing companies in America three years in a row. On the outside, everyone wanted my life. Everyone thought I was lucky to be me.

But all that success came at high price; I worked ninety hours per week for six years straight. Every single day — Christmas Day, I worked. I had no friends. I saw my family twice a year if I was lucky. I had no hobbies, I didn't have a pet, I couldn't even keep a plant alive.

Then after nine years of hustling and grinding, my body began breaking down. At twenty-eight years old my I went into perimenopause. My joints started falling apart, my hormones were nonexistent, I was desperate for rest and felt like I was losing my mind. And every day it got worse.

Finally, my doctors told me I had to slow down, or I would eventually die.

So I took a three-month sabbatical from my businessesf. And once I stopped — once I finally stopped — I discovered my business partner had been restructuring our seven companies behind my back. I lost everything I had sacrificed ten years of my life for. Over one million dollars, my time, my health, my friends, my family, all of it was for nothing. Gone.

And then came the puzzles, the wine, and the Friends reruns.

That's when I started asking myself “what even IS success?”

We spend so much energy building toward something. But we rarely stop to ask what that something is supposed to give us. What kind of life are we actually trying to create?

The happiest season of my life came after I lost everything that society told me equaled success. I realized that I was letting my business define success for me, instead of me defining success for my business. I let my business be the boss of me.

So I'm asking you the same question I had to ask myself:

What IS success?

The answer is, there is no answer. It’s a subjective question. We each should and need to write our own definition of success. What is it for you? Saying that success is making a million dollars is not specific enough. We need to get real clear here. What if the million dollars means working 90 hours a week for years and years and never seeing your friends or family?

If you do not define success, you can become a slave to it, just like I did. I followed society’s standards, did all the things, bought all the things, and yet I was empty inside. My definition of success looks very different now.

I think we have to figure out what is most valuable to us and create a list of most important to least to build our own definition of success. Here’s what mine looks like:

1.     Time freedom

2.     Healthy

3.     Spending time outdoors

4.     Deep relationships with friends and family

5.     Debt free

6.     Steady income

Notice income came last! Trust me when I say that money cannot buy happiness, I tried. But it does make life more enjoyable IF it gives you what’s most important to you.

What is most important to you?

How would you define success?

Try This // The Real ROI Exercise

Grab a piece of paper.

Write down 3 things in your business that are serving your life.

Now write down 3 things in your business that are costing your life.

Make a list of what is most important to you.

Write your own unique definition of success.

Follow along for more insights from Your BFF (best founder friend).

Talk soon,
Tay​